my 2-year overdue director's note

long have been the time that i have veered away from the things i used to do both to amaze and challenge my artistry and to flabbergast people with how i get things done. this is due to unnoteworthy extenuating circumstances ive gone through after college.. ive moved on and have chosen a different dodge that i believed would be more apt to my situation.

directing a stage play was one of my frustrations (and still is actually), i felt that there was a time in college that i was sagacious enough to mount one for ive been "jacking of all trades" for the longest time.. but i had a different calling. my mentors paved a different path for me and i was and still am very grateful for that because not only did they thwart my directing frustration 4 times, but they did also realize one of my childhood reveries - teaching.

for most of the people whom i have worked with, they would most likely regard to me as a mud slinger.. someone they were never able to please.. or someone who thrived in the obnoxious world of criticizing what for them was a sum of everything that they had to give (disclaimer : i never was greedy of praise, i knew how to give credit when it was due). i can never blame them for that because first.. i have the gift of looking sarcastic even if im euphoric.. and second because i chose to be uptight. uptight because most of them were novices and still nursing their newly grown wings.. uptight due to the moral i have learned the hard way that a show is worth the price and not your tears. uptight due to the lack of tenacity they had which needed some pressure to trigger it.. uptight because of the childishness that was lacking in tempo to shift to maturity and was causing their vulnerability to failure which was a major no-no. uptight because i wanted them to rationalize the things they were trying to accomplish and see how importnat these things are to them.

but now im scared that maybe there were times that the thin line between being uptight and professional and fearsome was almost not there.. maybe ive gone out of bounds.. and for that i am forever sorry. i never wanted to be regarded as a cruella devil and never would i want them to work only becasue of the pressure i was consistently putting on their faces.

looking back, maybe i was successful.. maybe my strategy worked well. not only were my or OUR shows successful and worth the price our audience paid for.. but the people who used to tremble and could almost pee on their pants whenever they see me coming, ranting, or even sitting quietly observing are now the mentors younger people look up to and now the people who do their own strategies to envision their fancies and make up for what they feel were lacking when i was at the director's seat..