Talk About Billing..

from FESTIVAL HIGHLIGHTS, November 2008 Ish.

04/07/2008 10:13 am

It’s nice to know….

It’s nice to know that someone cares…
Even if the sun doesn’t shine on me... it glares…
I can tell…. by the way you smile…by the way u stare…
It’s nice to know you care…

It’s nice to know that someone misses me…
I don’t have to ask…I don’t have to plea…
I can surely feel… its true…
It’s nice to know you do…

It’s nice to know that someone will always be there…
No matter what…no matter where….
I hope you won’t change… forever…
It’s nice to know you will be there….

Thank you....
I’m just happy knowing you…

Isn’t it nice to know?….

Home Is Where You Least Expect To Find It

SHELTER is a story of a man who is torn between his familial responsibilities and his aspirations as a person. He then finds shelter in the arms of a man who makes him realize that its the self-worth that should be impulsing a person to do things for the other people he loves, and not just the mere tthought of urgency and obligation. Albeit the scenes of superficiality and promiscuity, SHELTER is a feel good movie that makes you want to be at pace with life and leave the city's bright lights and just be... HOME.

the soundtrack on the other hand makes you want to pack your bags and start the engine of a 90's car and just drive far away to nowhere..... while holding the hands of your Zach or Sean. ive seen the movie twice in a row last saturday and it made me smile even just for a moment at this tumultuous heart-breaking time of 2008. the credit goes to my other lovely couple friends.. catz and raya.

the setting is contemporary america, in the suburbs of san pedro. it mirrors the reality of social classes but not the wall that divides them. the movie deals with other issues like single parenting, coming out from the closet, and the relationships of a gay man to his sib. despite these dilemmatic and usually emo-like set-ups, the movie was treated lightly and managed to make its audience see reality on a different dimension.

the actors didnt seem to be abecedarians in their fields. i read that the main actors were real surfers so it was just a piece of cake for them to do it on cam. but it was their on-screen presence and their apt motivation to act that made them pull it through i should say, needless to say that they were really hot ;p

again, to the lovely and enviable love birds catz and raya, this is very timely. thank you for lending me the copy. the past weeks have been exhausting and making me an alcoholic. it gave me the time to introspect and made me snap to reality that i actually need not look further, because im already sheltered and am actually...

home.

almost there.

this has been long overdue. blame it on my incoherent thoughts.. as to what i should be feeling and thinking given the circumstances. i may have sought for jack coke's company earlier tonight.. but im sure its me and not him who's writing these things.

its been almost a year of sweet nothinngess-es, a year of maybe's and assumptions.. almost a year of fighting for what i believed was an against-all-odds-righteousness, almost a year of not letting the chance pass of being with someone i deemed to be the right one. it was a mistake from the very start. it was a misery i have succumbed to, for it is very seldom that i meet a person with whom i can picture myself to be with for a decade or two or even forever if there is such thing. he was my favorite mistake. a mistake ive assumed to be right, blinded and not knowing where i wa sreally standing.

i didnt bring home the bacon, and that is a big axe on my ego and my crab-like self. in one way or another, that could be the reason why im feeling this guilt. guilt of knowing how harder it is for the other person whom he has spent most of his life with, to be clueless and waiting for what things may lead to between them. and for that, im grateful coz i know that what im undergoing now is uncomparable to what he's dealing with.

i have long accepted the fact that i will never have him. but what hurts me the most now, is the fact that he never tried to reach out and tell me whats really happening. im so frustrated that after almost a year of the companionship and being friends at the very least, he could bear not talking to me.. or even losing me. i thought i meant something to him, as what he has told me, as what his friendster comment has implied. he knows very very well how much he means to me. if he acknowledges the weight of the time we spent together literalyy and figuratively, he couldve done so many things to make me feel about such.

im still hurt and i just want to get riod of this shit. i know i will be at a better shape soon, because i want to.. and i have to.

almost there.

this has been long overdue. blame it on my incoherent thoughts.. as to what i should be feeling and thinking given the circumstances. i may have sought for jack coke's company earlier tonight.. but im sure its me and not him who's writing these things.

its been almost a year of sweet nothinngess-es, a year of maybe's and assumptions.. almost a year of fighting for what i believed was an against-all-odds-righteousness, almost a year of not letting the chance pass of being with someone i deemed to be the right one. it was a mistake from the very start. it was a misery i have succumbed to, for it is very seldom that i meet a person with whom i can picture myself to be with for a decade or two or even forever if there is such thing. he was my favorite mistake. a mistake ive assumed to be right, blinded and not knowing where i wa sreally standing.

i didnt bring home the bacon, and that is a big axe on my ego and my crab-like self. in one way or another, that could be the reason why im feeling this guilt. guilt of knowing how harder it is for the other person whom he has spent most of his life with, to be clueless and waiting for what things may lead to between them. and for that, im grateful coz i know that what im undergoing now is uncomparable to what he's dealing with.

i have long accepted the fact that i will never have him. but what hurts me the most now, is the fact that he never tried to reach out and tell me whats really happening. im so frustrated that after almost a year of the companionship and being friends at the very least, he could bear not talking to me.. or even losing me. i thought i meant something to him, as what he has told me, as what his friendster comment has implied. he knows very very well how much he means to me. if he acknowledges the weight of the time we spent together literalyy and figuratively, he couldve done so many things to make me feel about such.

im still hurt and i just want to get riod of this shit. i know i will be at a better shape soon, because i want to.. and i have to.