good morning sweet pea

i woke up smiling today. and im not pretty sure why i did. i could blame it on having a complete 8 hours of dead sleeping, or maybe because of the fact that its payday today and not to mention its the end of the work week.. i dunno. but whatever the reason could be, i wouldnt even care less.. im just happy. and im gonna savor this moment for i have been feeling the mediocrity of my life for the past weeks and hell, i deserve a break!!

so fuck off anyone who would ruin my day.. today im gonna be fabulous!

...

this is one of those nights that im really apprehensive of..

a lot of times, i would catch myself wanting to write about this matter but i would eventually keep myself from doing so because i feel its nothing serious compared to the really matter of life and death problems of the universe, that even before the act of writing about it, just the mere thought of singlehood and romance annoys me. it annoys me in a way that i know i shouldnt be thinking about this. annoying because i know that even if im not blessed now with a better half, im truly one of god's most favored children because of the magnanimous blessings ive received from him. annoying because i myself abhor people who whine and let themselves be overpowered by the "sadness" they feel because theyre single.

but tonight, i just couldnt handle it anymore. i feel lonely and sad. no man to kiss me goodnight, no guy to pat my back and say i did a great job at work, no boy to walk with me on the shoreline, no man who could handle my mood swings, no boy i could go to the grocery and cook for, no guy who would tell me i look divine even if im wasted, no boyfriend whom i could nag and be demanding with, no guy who could handle the wits and uniqueness of my friends, kuya, and mama, no boyfriend who will watch and critique theater plays with, no guy who could just be lazy with the whole day, no guy i could talk to about nothingness, no man who could appreciate my perfect me because of my flaws.

i know there's an ocean of male species outside my shell, but i dont want just anyone else. i want someone. i want the one. and i dunno how i could find him. i dont know how he could find me, for i am too busy... too busy working my ass off at work so the feeling i have now that i have been suppressing and being rational about would just drown to oblivion.

ill be better tomorrow.

P.S.

if this entry would create conclusions, please spare me the "you will find the one" or "your right time will come" statements. i know that very well. im just sad right now and thats just about it. i will never be childish about this.

there's something about my nilagang baka.

so finally, im joining the bandwagon as how kuya would put it.

he was very pushy with me reviving my blog and creating a multiply account. but for the longest time i was hesitant, for im the type who would want least maintenance of my stuff and i just have more gthan enough personal and work-related accounts to sign in to, reply to messages, and log out for the next day's the same cycle.

and in this cosmopolitan ennui in the gulf they refer to as Dubai, the Arabs are more hypocritically disturbed than some Filipinos (whether way back home or anywhere in the globe). They block sites that for them can alter their traditions and customs. Oh well.. maybe thats wny many locals are being put to the justice hall because of sexual harrassment et al. And Multiply is yes ladies and gents.. blocked. I emailed Etisalat ( a govt subsidized mobile and isp company) and aired my thoughts and rantings> unexpectedly, the webamster was polite enough to reply promptly but he said they couldnt unblock the site for it was tagged as a "dating" site. And just like that, i gave up.

Funny thing is, the only way that I could access Multiply is if I Im in the office and due to the incredulous work sched i have, i couldnt log in to it, and because i want a blog entry to finally launch it which apparently i cant do, my multiply's opening salvo has been on hold for three weeks now... and just a few moments later, while cooking nilagang baka for lunch did i only realize that theres this technology which enables blogger to export blog entries to my multiply.. and hence... im writing this long narrative.

am i writing too much about nothingness.?! maybe this would leave people hanging with what ive been telling them about my "grand launch". i leave the objectivity to my reader/s. but what the heck! i missed writing and i missed my old self. because as how madonna would sing it... "this used to be my playground".