From the Eyes of the Divine

This is actually a reposted comment from someone else's blog, which I was the subject. I had to think for 2 days whether I was going to write back (pertaining to the blogpost) or not.. but I chose not too, because.. uhmm.. you can say that I got tired of explaining myself. And besides, this reposted comment has implied all the thoughts i had.

I had to post this because..

I like it when people talk about me, negatively or otherwise. A star wouldnt be a star without the stir.

And this act of reposting is narcissism at its finest.

He is insensitive. No doubt. And he is obnoxious. And critical. And condescending. That's why people love to hate him. But also, that's why his real friends and his family love to love him. Because he is the only person who will never, under any circumstances, hold back in telling a person to his face what his opinions are of him.

Whether we, the people who love him unconditionally, accept his opinions of us or not, is our prerogative. Some chose not to. But we did; because the only way to be part of his legion of loved ones is to accept and love him back --- sunny weather or bitchy moment. Because he will forever be like that, and in an uncompromising fashion. See, God sent him to earth for that purpose: to be the wake up call of everyone who wishes to have an effective one that doesn't yield to threatening demands nor pathetic, whiny pleas of snooze.

So yeah, I would have to say that, being a person who saw him mature from a nursery kid with dagger eyes and a deleteriously frank tongue to a self-made career gay man with (still) dagger eyes and a deleteriously frank tongue, I definitely agree with you. He is insensitive. And he is obnoxious. And critical. And condescending. But he is loving, caring and very nurturing as well. Too bad for some people, they easily get intimidated or feel belittled by his acerbic way of delivering his honest-to-goodness opinions, they never get to see the motherly side of him.

an ode to my dearly loved pairs

people have known you very well. for almost 3 years, you two have been with me at my flashy, trashy, and even mediocre instances. people may have gotten tired of your charm, but up to this very minute, you both are still my fave. in fact, im going to the back to that nursery-like house where most of your kind are juxtaposed to each other when i go back to manila on the 3rd quarter.

i know you both were used and abused. im sorry if i made you toil night and day, and let the unabashed Beko consume your wholeness during weekends. if its erratic to just want you to look divine again, then so be it. i know i am to blame for making you look this way now..

but please, dont ever think that i have forsaken you totally. its just that i really have to let you go at this point, and even bec agreed that its time we part ways. the last thing i would want to to happen now is for you both to be inflicted with the pangs of the society's dirt. so just let yourselves be enveloped by the Grayness of Ashkenany Supermarket.

your time with me is now asking to be put to a halt. maybe you are meant for bigger reasons.. dont be scared now. just let fate take you where youll be aplty supposed to be...

wait til i say "curtain" once more.. (a repost from my friendster blog)

aside from my occupation which is stated in my profile, there is another thing i believe im meant to be doing. ive laid the pipelines of this a few years back, under the tutelage of very promising and noteworthy characters who played not only a big part in my thespian career but also in terms of my personality. and im taking a break now, and soon i shall be ingressing to the stage again, and perform my greatest passion.. where the frontals will be set brightly, as the scoring share the internalization i shall be doing with me.. set in a stage that a lot of people will be patronizing.. and from there as the production climaxes and as the conflict becomes reconciled, they shall be telling themselves i was worth the long wait.

my 2-year overdue director's note

long have been the time that i have veered away from the things i used to do both to amaze and challenge my artistry and to flabbergast people with how i get things done. this is due to unnoteworthy extenuating circumstances ive gone through after college.. ive moved on and have chosen a different dodge that i believed would be more apt to my situation.

directing a stage play was one of my frustrations (and still is actually), i felt that there was a time in college that i was sagacious enough to mount one for ive been "jacking of all trades" for the longest time.. but i had a different calling. my mentors paved a different path for me and i was and still am very grateful for that because not only did they thwart my directing frustration 4 times, but they did also realize one of my childhood reveries - teaching.

for most of the people whom i have worked with, they would most likely regard to me as a mud slinger.. someone they were never able to please.. or someone who thrived in the obnoxious world of criticizing what for them was a sum of everything that they had to give (disclaimer : i never was greedy of praise, i knew how to give credit when it was due). i can never blame them for that because first.. i have the gift of looking sarcastic even if im euphoric.. and second because i chose to be uptight. uptight because most of them were novices and still nursing their newly grown wings.. uptight due to the moral i have learned the hard way that a show is worth the price and not your tears. uptight due to the lack of tenacity they had which needed some pressure to trigger it.. uptight because of the childishness that was lacking in tempo to shift to maturity and was causing their vulnerability to failure which was a major no-no. uptight because i wanted them to rationalize the things they were trying to accomplish and see how importnat these things are to them.

but now im scared that maybe there were times that the thin line between being uptight and professional and fearsome was almost not there.. maybe ive gone out of bounds.. and for that i am forever sorry. i never wanted to be regarded as a cruella devil and never would i want them to work only becasue of the pressure i was consistently putting on their faces.

looking back, maybe i was successful.. maybe my strategy worked well. not only were my or OUR shows successful and worth the price our audience paid for.. but the people who used to tremble and could almost pee on their pants whenever they see me coming, ranting, or even sitting quietly observing are now the mentors younger people look up to and now the people who do their own strategies to envision their fancies and make up for what they feel were lacking when i was at the director's seat..