krissy's "ode to the four people i had treasured the most"
it was really unfortunate that time, distance and misunderstanings brought us to where we are now. i know, we had hurt one another in very unexpected ways. i was really sorry for whatever i had done wrong. i think about that until now. i, we, had remained silent about everything. pretending nothing happened. letting each day pass as if a part of our life has been erased from our memories.
i admit i am not as sober as i can be. but honestly speaking, i could have never written this if i was. numerous people may think that i am transparent but a number would disagree to that.
yes, i am strong but to the people i treasure most i get hurt easily. i may pretend to shove it off my shoulder yet deep down i am bleeding. not that i am a hypocrite or anything, i would just like to weigh things, think about everything before i react.. and if i think it is not just, i would not dare crash.
this day, if i am not mistaken is close to the day when everything shattered upon us. yes, i am still aching. yes, i still do not know where to pick up the pieces.
if i am speaking vaguely it is beacause i just don't know where to start. maybe i should start by saying sorry and it was really unfortunate that such a great friendship could result to what we are now... strangers!
one by one i would like to address you guys. you may or may not read this or give a damn about this. i just want to share what i have been feeling about everything that happened as a closure to everything.
mai, thank you for being an amazing friend. i know we have metrics and metrics of differences but i really appreciate your effort in trying to understand me, my life, the changes i have gone through and the parts of our life that could never really ever ever meet. i really am speehless to your resilience as a friend. i try to return the favor in more ways that i can.
leah, i am happy to see that all your dreams are finally falling to place. we might have qualms about almost everything, we have been bestfriends to almost being strangers but rest assured that i pray for the best that could happen to your life as much as i can. again, value yourself the way we value you. we may sometimes think that we value ourselves enough but truth is we really don't, to the eyes of others.
ivy, the person who honestly have hurt me the most.. despite all that, i am also happy to see you having as much contentment as you have wanted. you have great friends that support you in whatever endeavors you take. i have valued what we had post this "silent war" days. i just really wished you had given me the same respect as i gave you. though, what i think was sufficient may be different from yours. you have other loyalties. i just hope you are now braver in facing your emotions as compared to before. you are precious the way you are, i know we have different ways of dealing with things and i respect your way. i have come into terms with that. i just wished it had not come to this point.
paullyne, the person i know least about. well, i heard that you are at present engaged.. congrats! frankly, i just wished before, that you knew how to listen to both sides before letting out reactions undue to each person. i wouldn't waste my time, telling you what really happened. you would remain deaf to it. i just feel the need to put it briefly. it was a joke misunderstood, that's it. i would have appreciated you asking me what really happened before all the commotion got out. remember that there are always two sides to a coin. one could have seen it in a way that the other did not.
people most often destroy themselves with the hatred they bear. i choose to be not one of them, that is the reason i wrote most of what i feel that i could translate into words in this soliloquy.
when all is said and done, we have lives of our own, separate from the life we together sought and grew with. i just hope all is well with you guys. be at peace and contented. it is not the life full of glamour
No comments:
Post a Comment