...

this is one of those nights that im really apprehensive of..

a lot of times, i would catch myself wanting to write about this matter but i would eventually keep myself from doing so because i feel its nothing serious compared to the really matter of life and death problems of the universe, that even before the act of writing about it, just the mere thought of singlehood and romance annoys me. it annoys me in a way that i know i shouldnt be thinking about this. annoying because i know that even if im not blessed now with a better half, im truly one of god's most favored children because of the magnanimous blessings ive received from him. annoying because i myself abhor people who whine and let themselves be overpowered by the "sadness" they feel because theyre single.

but tonight, i just couldnt handle it anymore. i feel lonely and sad. no man to kiss me goodnight, no guy to pat my back and say i did a great job at work, no boy to walk with me on the shoreline, no man who could handle my mood swings, no boy i could go to the grocery and cook for, no guy who would tell me i look divine even if im wasted, no boyfriend whom i could nag and be demanding with, no guy who could handle the wits and uniqueness of my friends, kuya, and mama, no boyfriend who will watch and critique theater plays with, no guy who could just be lazy with the whole day, no guy i could talk to about nothingness, no man who could appreciate my perfect me because of my flaws.

i know there's an ocean of male species outside my shell, but i dont want just anyone else. i want someone. i want the one. and i dunno how i could find him. i dont know how he could find me, for i am too busy... too busy working my ass off at work so the feeling i have now that i have been suppressing and being rational about would just drown to oblivion.

ill be better tomorrow.

P.S.

if this entry would create conclusions, please spare me the "you will find the one" or "your right time will come" statements. i know that very well. im just sad right now and thats just about it. i will never be childish about this.